Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't turn off my feet"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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