don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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