Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
