Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
