My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
