Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
