do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
