she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
