How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i now understand why vodka
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
