True but thats because hes a fetus.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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