yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
