Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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