I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
