I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
