Define "chronic" masturbator.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We left the knife in your bed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
