Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
