I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
