I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
