You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
