we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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