Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
