I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
