I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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