i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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