You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
