i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
