he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
