What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
