dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You smell like stripper and shame
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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