Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
