My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
