My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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