when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
