Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
