No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
