Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
