I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
