my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
