he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
