did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
