Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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