well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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