I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
