I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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