I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
