can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My ATM looks so different sober.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
