I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
