he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
