I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
