By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
