I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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