I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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