He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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