God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
