im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
