im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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