she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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