She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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