There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize