I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
