She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
