I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
