alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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