We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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